Who's Got the Remote?
by NanashiNoTeshi
Summary: What happens when you add a hyper Tenshi-chan, G-boys, a remote control, a katana called Chibi Nataku, and velvet-lined handcuffs? This insanity of a fic, that's what. OOCness runs rampant, yaoi (3x4, 1x2, 4x3x2)


Title: Who's Got the Remote?  
Author: Nanashi no Tenshi  
Rating: PG-13  
  
This is just total insanity. Way OOC, with yaoi. I'm really bored, so I figured I'd scribble this down. This story proves I can do things other than horror...  
  
Disclaimer: Mine! Mine! *glomps her boleved bishounen, but they all deflate, because they're blow up dolls* Awwww, okay, so they aren't mine... v ^_^=+=+=+=+=+=+=+  
  
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10:26 PM  
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"Is that your final answer?"  
"Ye- I mean, no, but I don't have any lifelines, so I'm stuck here on t.v. without an answer," the blonde's whines soon turned to tears as she ran off the set of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  
The new host of the Millionth Season of Millionaire looked at the camera nervously. "Well, that was quite-"  
  
*CLICK*  
  
"And in today's news-"  
  
*CLICK*  
  
"Today on Circuses, we go undercover as a circus freak in a sideshow."  
  
Trowa settled back into the big cushions of the black couch, next to Quatre.  
  
The other Gundam pilots were in various states of comfort around the living room of the current safehouse. Wufei was sitting in a tall backed maroon armchair. Duo was sprawled carelessly on the floor in front of the big screen. His all-black ensemble blended into the dark carpet quite well. This was one of the first safehouses he actually liked, because the furnishings were all dark colors. It was very peaceful. Heero sat on the black loveseat, all alone besides his beloved laptop.  
  
Almost everyone (excluding Wufei and Heero) was engrossed in the show, until one segment of a sword swollower. Quatre closed his aqua eyes and buried his head in Trowa's shoulder.  
  
'I've got it all,' Trowa thought. 'A beautiful boy practically sitting in my lap, a nice circus t.v. show, and the remote.'  
  
"Trowa, can I have the remote?" came a small voice from Trowa's shoulder. He looked down to see his fellow Gundam Pilot, and his secret love interest, looking up at him with his wide aqua eyes. It was the infamous Quatre Puppy Eyes. He just couldn't resist, as he sighed and handed Quatre the remote.  
  
'Well, I *had* everything...'  
  
*CLICK*  
  
"Oh, but you can't go to the colonies! I am forbidden to go there until my twentieth birthday..."  
  
It was a sappy movie, about some modern heir of a big company on Earth and his lover, an assasin from the colonies. Very boring, but Quatre was riveted. He hadn't blinked once since it came on. Every now and then, especially during the mushy parts, he would sigh.  
  
Duo yawned and said "Hey, Q-man! Toss me the remote, wouldja?"  
  
Quatre looked at Duo and thought 'Oh, he looks soo good. I can't wait to get him in bed...tee hee.' He tossed Duo the remote, and snuggled back into Trowa, mentally giggling at the thought of Trowa and Duo rolling around on his bed....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
On the screen, all was silent, until some guy danced across the screen with a girl who had Dorothy's eyebrows, Hilde's hair, and Relena's personallity. Ugh, poor guy. It turned out that he was an undercover cop, sent to watch after a wealthy trash collector's danger prone daughter. It was one of the worst examples of a comedy movie anyone there had seen.   
  
Finally, Wufei couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Maxwell! Give the remote to me! That movie is weak!"  
  
Duo just ignored him and said "Nope."  
  
Then Wufei pulled out his trusty katana Chibi Nataku and threatened to cut Duo's braid off.  
  
Duo looked a little scared and handed Wufei the remote, smiling sheepishly.  
  
Wufei stormed back to his chair, murmuring something about bakas, injustice, and onna braids.  
  
*CLICK*  
  
The camera panned around a full courtroom, and stopped on a rather pissed looking judge. He was ranting on and on about the situation of the couple. Divorce Court. Scary.  
  
Wufei ran closer to the t.v. and started yelling at it.  
  
"INJUSTICE! DON'T GIVE THAT BAKANA ONNA ANYTHING!!! DISHONOR!!!"  
  
Duo snuck over to Wufei's chair, and grabbed the remote that Wufei had forgotten all about in his haste to yell at the t.v.  
  
*CLICK*  
  
The t.v. suddenly changed and Wufei was yelling at the scary girl again. He blinked and turned around to see Duo cluthching the remote to his chest and Quatre and Trowa making out on the couch. Wufei grabbed Chibi Nataku and started chashing Duo. Duo ran and hid behind Heero, who stopped typing and slowly turned to Duo and reached for the remote. Duo took off like a braided bat out of hell, and dove behind the couch Trowa and Quatre were, ahem, making out on. Heero ran after Duo, as did Wufei, and tackled Duo. They bumped the couch and startled Quatre and Trowa out of their make out session. Trowa looked at the boys beating each other, at the ugly girl on t.v., and Quatre. He nodded his head at the t.v. and the tangle of limbs and the gleam of Wufei's katana. Quatre nodded back, and with a fierce war cry, the two boys jumped over the couch and started grabbing for the remote.   
  
While they were grabbing for the remote, the two new additions to The Great Remote War were pulled into the battle. They were all grabbing for the remote, and hitting people who got in their way. Duo and Quatre pulled cushions off the furniture and started beating the other Gundam Pilots back, regardless that they were either friend or enemy.  
  
The two unarmed Gundam pilots and the katana-wielding Wufei also removed cushions from various pieces of innocent furniture and fought back.  
  
ONE HOUR LATER...  
  
Deciding that he'd had enough of the pillow war, Wufei picked up his discarded katana and began slashing the cushions to ribbon. Feathers and other soft squishy stuffings flew everywhere. It looked like a blizzard of fluff. Trowa tackled Duo, Heero tackled them, and Quatre jumped on Heero's back and Wufei crawled on top of them. Seemingly at the same time, four Gundam Pilots realized that Duo still had the remote control hidden on his person, and the struggling died down. Four madly grinning terrorists surrounded Duo, looking down at him. He forced a stupid grin, and waved up at them. "Hi, guys."  
  
"Hi, Duo," they responded in eerie unison.  
  
Then Quatre spoke up. "Our mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get the remote control from Duo Maxwell. Let's get him, boys."  
  
The other three nodded and lunged for Duo. They dragged him to Quatre's bedroom, and grabbed some handy velvet-lined handcuffs (Quatre!!! You naughty boy! //Told ya it was way OOC!!\\), and handcuffed poor Duo to the ceiling fan.  
  
Duo was suspennded a good few feet from the ground, and the others started wondering where he could have hidden the remote. Quatre looked his body over, his eyes lingering a little longer in a certain place, and "ahah"-ed. He reached up into the base of Duo's braid and pulled out the tiny remote.  
  
"Got it!" he said as he unlatched the handcuffs, sending Duo tumbling on his butt.  
  
Quatre turned and ran into the living room, with the others chasing him.  
  
The battle was back on. They grabbed and pulled and slapped, until finally Heero backed away a little. He pulled a gun from Shinigami-knows-where, and pointed it at the other four, who were immediately silenced.  
  
"Give. Me. The. Remote...."  
  
Trowa, who was currently in possesion of the little black box, handed over to Heero.  
  
Heero reclaimed his seat on the loveseat.  
  
*BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEP*  
  
It was 12:00.  
  
*CLICK*  
  
"Today we'll learn the finer points of bringing together your kitchen, by adding flower curtains."  
  
Heero stared intently at the t.v., and the other boys were stunned to silence.  
  
Heero, ever the perceptive one, caught the looks they were giving him.  
  
He blinked once. "What?"  
  
Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei fainted dead away.  
  
Heero shrugged and continued to watch the decorating show, the remote clutched protectively to his chest.  
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End file.
